Fat Bloke

Well that’s it. Enough is enough. I’ve endured it all until now with a grin and a wink.  It’s the little whispered comments. Little comments which have become bigger comments over the years. Comments which have become statements. Statements which are no longer whispered but said out loud.

Fat, Shameless Bloke

What am I talking about? I’m talking about my belly.

Now, I wouldn’t exactly call myself fat…(see the photo and you may beg to differ) but over the last 10 years, the comments have grown (at an identical speed to my belly really) from “….getting a little bit of a belly there Ray…….” to “………..you fat bastard…..”.

Well, today is my birthday. I’m now in my late 30’s. As you get older, trying to correct problems with your body takes considerably longer. Take the bruise presently gracing the top of my thigh for example. Just over a week ago we were at the home of our good friends Richie and Rachel for a (very) late night after work party. Across their pool is a beam upon which you fight each other with big inflatable pugil sticks (like the Gladiators). I was fighting, and beat my opponent easily. Ok, so what if SHE was only 13 !!!. Anyway, I stepped back, took a jump off towards the edge of the pool and slipped. I hit the side. I know, pathetic behaviour for a man in his late 40’s.

Alright, for goodness sake… a man of 52 years old.

My point is, when I was a kid, I would get a knock playing football, the bruise would be out fully by the evening, and would be almost gone in 2 days. As you get older this all changes. My bruise took 3 days to really start showing. It has gotten worse each day and has probably only just started to fade slightly.

This principle doesn’t just apply to bruises. Illnesses, sprains etc all take longer to correct. AND SO DOES A POT BELLY.

Now It's Embarassing

When I was younger (even 10 years ago) I remember spending a couple of weeks running every night to lose some weight before we went on holiday. And it worked. Granted, not as easily as it did when I was even younger, but I lost some.

So now, at 52, it’s time to say “enough is enough”. I’m going to get rid of my belly. And do it in a very PUBLIC way. I’m going to post my picture EACH DAY on this very blog. That way, I just have to stick to it and lose the belly because anyone can see.

I’m not really bothered about losing weight. What difference does it make if I am 72, 82 or 92 kilo’s ? (I’m 82 kilos). It’s the body shape and your fitness and health which matter. And I haven’t really set any goals. Goals have to be somewhat realistic and achievable. I will give it some thought.

For now though, my goal is to lose my pot belly, without too much of a time limit….but starting NOW.

And with a six-pack before christmas.

How long DOES it take for a 52 year old man to lose his belly and get a six-pack anyway ?

Well, here goes….

Oh, I forgot…it’s my birthday and wer’e all out for a meal this afternoon.

Sigh……

Ray

The Porkasaurus

Day 1

8th July 2008

Weight 82.1kg

Belly     102cm

Well, it’s Day 1 and not off to a good start. It’s my own fault for having this “revelation” on my birthday, knowing that we would all be out to lunch.

We went to the “Asadora” at Valle San Lorenzo which is a kind of BBQ Restaurant. Their speciality is the roast suckling pig, so….when in Rome, as they say………..

It was a great meal though. We all enjoyed it. Only Phil had actually been before.

Pedestrian Crossing Girls

Thanks to the girls (Jude, Mo & Kelly) for dressing the same !!! and to Kim, Jonny, Jack, Phil and Alan for joining us.

Tomorrow its a walk up in the mountains. Not too certain which one we will be doing yet, but it will be added to the walks link. I should burn off all the excess I put on today, and a fair bit more.

After the walk we will no doubt find a new place to eat………..

HELP !!!!!!!!!

DAY 2

9th July 2008

Weight 82.1kg

Belly     102cm

Ok…we walked in the Colorado Mountain at Cruz de Tea.

Top of Colorado Mountain

We left at 10am and visited a small museum in Granadilla before actually commencing the walk.

We walked for about 2 and a half hours, starting at 3,900 feet, and ended at 4,590feet, but we did climb both up and down en route to the top……and both down and up en route to the starting point.

The temperature was about 37 degrees, so it was anything but an easy stroll.

I estimate to have burned about 1000 calories, and only drank water along the way . So it should mean that I have burned off just a little of the fat that I put on yesterday at the birthday celebration meal.

Oh bugger....another Restaurant

Well, I would have done so if we hadn’t stopped here on the way back.

What did I have this time ?

Bread and dips (obligatory)

Red Wine (obligatory)

Shandy (also obligatory)

Salchichas (spicy sausages) starters (obligatory)

Tuna steak (obligatory)

So, as you can see, I was very good and only ate what I really had  to…the obligatory items from the menu !!!

I decided that the only way to lose my fat stomach is to stop going on all these healthy walks….their killing me !!!

 

DAY 3. 10th July 2008

Weight  82.0kg

Belly     102cm

Hair      Receding (Still)

I shall be doing some exercises soon today. Mainly stomach, but some cardio work as well. I know the stomach work will help to build the muscles, but they are well hidden below the fat and sit-up’s won’t shift the fat. Sounds good to me. I will do a few sit-up’s then celebrate with a pork pie. Should see a noticeable difference by the morning eh?

Caught By The Wife...Sleeping With A Blonde

Seriously though, I have cut down on the drinking at work. In case you don’t know, we run a small Karaoke Bar here in Tenerife and I knock back quite a few too many “Ron Miel’s” (Honey Rum) each night. Last night I just had the one shot, a couple of bottles of water and a coffee. Yes, this is one crazy living DJ.

I have learned lesson number one. Lesson number one is (if you are at all like me) that you must plan the time you intend setting aside for exercise.

I talk a good talk, and had every intention of exercising, but when I was finishing up the rest of my work and contemplating a workout….Kim (my wife) whispered those magical words into my ear that every bloke loves to hear……………………….

“Dinner’s ready”

So that was it. Bang went my exercise for the day in favour of Chilli con Carne. There are probably another couple of lessons to be learned here, probably something to do with WILLPOWER and EATING HABITS, but I will leave them for another day.

So I never managed my exercises, and to make matters worse there were lots of youngsters, mostly young women in the bar all night, so I had a few Ron Miel’s more than I wished. Leave me for a while to work out how that makes matters WORSE, ‘cos I’m not too sure.

Take a look at the picture of me and Bubbles. My stomach looks OK. Perhaps lesson number one should read “….always lay on your back to appear slimmer….”

“Get fatter friends” could work too.

Day 4        11th July 2008

Weight       82.0kg

Belly          102cm

Blood Levels In The Alcoholic System      Steady(ish)

Job Finished

Well, as you can see from the latest picture things are suddenly going well.

I never realised losing fat and getting a six-pack could be so easy. Whats all the fuss ???

Chicken Goujons for dinner today. Breakfast was a fruit smoothie, with a mid-day bowl of Optivita.

I did my exercises (finally) but only managed about 35mins. Now thats not really enough to start burning away at the fat resources, but it’s a start.

4 or 5 Ron Miel’s tonight and pretty busy. I really must cut out the alcohol. It affects the body’s ability to burn fat I believe….I will check it out.

DAY 5          12th July 2008

Weight         81.7kg

Belly            102cm

Bruises         Still there and spreading 

Today is bowls day. I have been playing for 9 years. 2 years at Egham in the UK and for the past 7 years at the Winter Gardens here in Tenerife.

Today is a pairs competition. I play with Mo and we usually do OK.

Breakfast was a few rounds of marmite on toast shared with Zak and Bubbles (the greedy dogs).

There is a lunch halfway through the day….I have ordered a Chicken Curry.

Result……….we lost in the final due to the help I gave our opposition. And it WAS 6 hours of bowling in temperatures of between 26 and 35 degrees. Still, we were in the money.

Dashed home and had a quick pizza (as you do if you are on a diet!!!) and straight in to work. How the heck do I get time to get fat? Oh yes, I eat too much.

Just a couple of celebratory Ron Miel’s tonight for making it into the final. Mo says Ron Miel is sugar loaded and that I have a “Mielly-belly”. Makes sense. Nothing tomorrow then.

Whilst at the bowls we decided to buy a special offer group of gym sessions starting monday. €37 for 12 sessions. That includes use of all the equipment, plus the pool and sauna. This will assist with lesson 1 (planning the exercise time)

Getting a bit serious.

DAY 6            13th July 2008

Weight           81.5kg

Belly              101.99cm

Not too much happening today. Kim was working daytime. Started the day cleaning the bar before breakfast. By the time we got home I decided it was pointless having anything to eat before dinner…always a mistake. I should have eaten early…before leaving home. Thats lesson number 2. Eat early…it helps the metabolism.

Did some stomach exercises, and had a run around with Bubbles. I’m pretty sure she could beat the 100m world record holder. Seriously. She’s part Bijon part monster. She’s a tiny white bundle of fluff and I honestly reckon she could beat 9 seconds for the 100m. I will try her one day with a stopwatch.

I used to be pretty fast myself which came in handy playing football.

I would struggle to beat 15 seconds these days. May test that out too.

DAY 7            14th July 2008

Weight           81.2kg

Belly              101.5cm

No alcohol whatsoever last night, nor tonight.

I was drinking aqua con gas..sparkling water, with just a dash of lime juice to add a little flavour. It sounds really boring, but it’s a very refreshing drink.

I definitely measured a half-centimetre less round the belly this morning. The picture doesn’t show it, so it must be the lighting. Or the camera. I have a much flatter stomach than it appears. Honestly ladies.

Hit the gym. I took it a little bit steady but made it into the “fat-burning zone”

DAY 8            15th July 2008

Weight           81.2kg

Belly              101.5cm

Once again, the belly measurement is spot on and shows a 0.5cm loss. Traditionally, losses are greater at the beginning and then slow down. I hope not, because I have calculated that I will be 272 years old before my stomach is flat. However, fear not. It was a slow start because it was my birthday and we ate loads. The next day was hiking day and we ate loads.

Tomorrow is hiking day….

No gym today, just a few exercises at home.

Only water again tonight. My body is wondering what the hell’s happening.

DAY 9            16th July 2008

Weight           81kg

Belly              101.5cm

It’s walkies day today, so I’m up nice and early (8am is REALLY early for me). I must have something a bit substantial to eat before a hike.

I’m certainly starting to lose weight, but the fat loss from my belly which, after all, is the object of this exercise is barely noticeable.

It may be that the belly is fats “final resting place” and it will be the last to go. Still, I need to persevere. Back to the gym tomorrow.

Todays walk was pretty tough, especially as it was extremely hot and we were in the full glare of the sun the whole time. Just under 3 hours. I found that I sweated profusely. From everywhere. Even my forearms were sweating. My sweat was sweating. It’s most probably the water I have been drinking instead of alcohol at night. A sort of detox.

We found (another) new fantastic eatery. However, I was a bit more sensible this time and took my diet into consideration when ordering which, it must be said, is the very first time that’s happened in my life.

Another night without any alcohol.

Actually, drinking has never been such a big part of my life. When I was younger I used to volunteer to be the designated driver. I could (and still do) have fun without drinking. It’s just become a habit since having a bar. Whilst I cannot say my belly started growing when I started drinking every night, it certainly grew a fair bit.

DAY 10          17th July 2008

Weight           80.7kg

Belly              101cm

Still losing weight and have lost a whole centimeter from the belly.

If that continued for 3 months I would have lost 9cm or about 3 and a half inches.

I was guessing that I would need to lose just a touch more than that to get rid of it, and bearing in mind the fact that losses are easier at the start, I think I may need to step things up a bit.

However, I’m not exactly sure how many inches or centimeters I need to lose, nor how long it should take a man of my age but at least it’s heading in the right direction.

 

DAY 11          18th July 2008

Weight           80.2kg

Belly              101cm

Off for another walk this morning.

It was a toughie. Near Santiago del Teide.

We named it “Tamiamo Big Loop” because the walk takes a big loop…and…er….it’s near Tamiamo.

The first hour and a half was an uphill climb. And it was hot.

DAY 12          19th July 2008

Weight           80.1kg

Belly              100.5cm

Game of tennis this morning with our friend Frank who is on holiday with his wife Wendy.

No alcohol again tonight.

DAY 13          20th July 2008

Weight           80.2kg

Belly              100.5cm

After our morning bar clean-up we shall be taking another walk. This time to Amarilla Mountain which can be walked direct from our home. It’s actually a small volcano (more accurately a “vent”) with a lovely big crater at the top.

It’s only 9am but it’s already warming up nicely out there.

It’s the first time my weight has actually increased a fraction. I’m not worried about that for two reasons. First, I ate quite a lot yesterday. Ok, it was all sensible stuff (no pizza’s)… salads etc.

140kg woman. Weight Irrelevant

Secondly, as I said previously, I’m not actually bothered about my weight. It’s the shape that counts.

I refer you to this picture of a 140kg woman.

Personally, we believe this to be a hoax….else we would have already seen her in so many movies. The blurb says she lives in Holland and is 7feet 4inches tall. If I were only 5 feet tall I would phone her up and ask for a slow smoochy dance. I doubt if I’d hear the music!!!

My point is, weight is irrelevant. It’s your (my) shape that matters.

I shall continue to monitor my weight on a daily basis. I’m actually hoping that my weight will eventually start to climb. This is because I intend building some muscle. Not too much, but just enough to hold the wobbly bits all in place.

As I’m sure you know, muscle weighs more than fat, so I don’t anticipate the weight loss to continue too much longer. Perhaps another few weeks. At the moment, I’m sticking to very light work…I am 52 and haven’t used weights for probably 20 years so I must build it up gradually.

For the time being though, I’m working on having my legs amputated below the knees, and finding that woman’s phone number.

And learning to dance.

Without any feet…..

DAY 14          21st July 2008

Weight           80.0kg

Belly              100.5cm

Just did a few exercises today. It’s gym tomorrow, although Rob (Mo’s husband) is in hospital for a week or so and things may have to change around a bit.

Only water tonight…and only 2 glasses !!! Any more than that and I sing pub songs, start fights and chat up strange women.

DAY 15          22nd July 2008

Weight           79.9kg

Belly              100cm

Pushed it quite hard at the gym today. Workout followed by a 15 minute sauna followed by a 15 minute swim. Feels great.

DAY 16          23rd July 2008

Weight           79.5kg

Belly              100cm

Hiking today with Mo and Phil, and our friends Jools and Chris who are on holiday.

Aching a bit after yesterday’s gym session.

Weight still dropping off, but still slowly from the belly. It seems that the fat is all panicking and heading for it’s sanctuary.

I may need a court order for eviction.

Or liposuction.

DAY 17          24th July 2008

Weight           79.5kg

Belly              99.5cm

A red letter day. My belly size is now below 100cm for the first time in a few years.

For the past 15 years my belly has very slowly grown to 102cm. This is the first time I have done anything serious about it and reduced the blubber.

I did have a couple of Honey Rum’s tonight. In my defense, I had to sing on the Karaoke, so alcohol helps ease the pain when people throw bottles at me on the stage.

DAY 18          25th July 2008

Weight           79.2kg

Belly              99.5cm

Still losing the weight slowly. As I said before, this will soon stop which doesn’t really bother me. My goal is to get rid of the fat round my belly.

We were having another hike today, but I think we shall have to cut that out. Rob’s in hospital and it’s about 3 hours out of each day to drive to Santa Cruz and back to visit, so wer’e busy.

Also, I’m not too sure about the gym today. I really pushed it last time and the muscles are still aching a bit. This, I believe is lesson number 3, which is consistent with my earlier thoughts about recovery time from injuries, bruises etc.

Lesson number 3 states that the older you get the slower you have to ease yourself out of the comfort zone. If I had taken it a little easier last time at the gym, I would have been ok for another session yesterday. Instead, despite the hike, I’m still aching from 3 days ago. Slower (slightly) seems better in the long run.

DAY 19          26th July 2008

Weight           79.3kg

Belly              99.5cm

Well that’s bad news. I’ve put on a fraction in weight and we are off out for a curry tonight. Theres a new restaurant opened up near the bar and we thought we’d give it a try.

It’s no wonder really…it’s been a few days since the last exercise of any note (the hike) and my diet slipped a little.

I’m not exactly on a diet. My eating habits have just become a bit more sensible.

When I was younger, I had the attitude that, if I went bald, I went bald. I would never try  treatments, wigs, grafting or stupid comb-overs. I would be bald. So what.

I never had the same attitude about getting fat. I never will, and I don’t think there’s a sensible reason on earth why anyone should have that attitude.

I’m not saying that everyone who is fat can diet and lose it all…obviously there are medical conditions to consider in some cases. I’m talking about the “I’m overweight and don’t care” attitude. Being overweight causes medical problems in itself.

Thats a rather deep and meaningful start to the day. So unlike me. Usually, in the morning, it’s all I can manage to stagger upright, put the kettle on, stumble to the bathroom, comb my hair over across the bald bits and feel my way back to make my early (ha ha) morning cuppa….all done with my eyes still closed.

Perhaps my body is having some strange allergic reaction to alcohol deprivation.

Joking aside, I think I’ve stumbled upon lesson number 4.

Lesson number 4 states that if you embark upon any changes to your normal diet or exercise routine, you should be aware that your body will react to the change. For better or for worse.

Me being out of my coma so early in the morning is obviously a change for the worse because the world is subjected to me much sooner than either god intended or those around me can handle.

I’m off to annoy someone….where’s Bubbles….?

DAY 20          27th July 2008

Weight           79.2kg

Belly              99.5cm

I’m quite amazed on 2 counts. Firstly, that even after eating a lovely curry last night I have still lost a little weight and my belly hasn’t busted. And secondly, that I managed the whole night out and at the bar with no alcohol again. I can honestly say that’s the first time in my life I have ever drank water, and only water in an Indian Restaurant. 

Quite a bit of work to do today, but I also have a game of Table Tennis arranged later with our friend Jack.

I used to be a pretty good player, but we are talking 30 years ago. Jack has been organising the game here recently, and as well as already most likely being a decent player, he’s primed and peaked to unheard of hights of table tennis perfection.

So I think I’m going to get stuffed. But it’s not about the actual result, it’s about keeping it quiet when you get beat, or lying about the result. So I’m not going to mention the game of table tennis later.

My body’s recovered now after pushing it too hard a few days ago, so we will probably hit the gym tomorrow.

Well, that wasn’t too bad at all. Jack beat me 4 games to 3. Some of the old touches were still there and each game we played was better than the last.

The main thing is that we were fairly closely matched which meant a good competetive game. We both worked up a sweat (yes…7 games of ping pong) and I’m pretty sure I burned up a few calories.

We played at Richie and Rachel’s villa (thanks guys), and apart from the occasional ball into the swimming pool it was good.

We are having another game next week at Happy Days where Jack helped to set the game up.

DAY 21          28th July 2008

Weight           78.9kg

Belly              99cm

I’m even more amazed than yesterday. Continuing to lose both weight and belly despite (what I feel) not exercising as much as I should recently.

Now that the belly fat is slowly reducing, I need to work harder on the stomach exercises, because the muscles (if there are any) won’t appear overnight.

I know that my goal was simply to lose my fat belly, and I mentioned nothing about muscles, but building up the stomach muscles (just a little) will help further reduce the totally unnecessary fat, will firm up my stomach and hopefully look far better than it did.

DAY 21          29th July 2008

Weight           78.5kg

Belly              98.5cm

Thats a full centimetre I’ve lost from my belly in 2 days. By this time next year I will have disappeared completely. It’s a good job I only gave myself 3 months to lose the fat.

 

DAY 22          30th July 2008

Weight           78.5kg

Belly              98.5cm

Off on another hike today with Mo and Phil. Not too long today.

Famous last words. It was a killer. The heat was intense. Despite drinking almost 2 litres of water in 2 hours, and eating a big plateful of roast chicken, CHIPS and salad (and a pint), I had still lost 1.5kg by the time I got home.

Had a little snooze when I got home…for four and a half hours!!!

DAY 23          31st July 2008

Weight           78.1kg

Belly              98.0cm

Not planning on doing too much today. Legs need to recover after yesterday. Maybe a few stomach exercises.

I was speaking to my good friend Barry today. He used to live near me here in Tenerife, but moved back to Ireland a few months ago to grow his business.

He had looked at the pictures on this blog and said it looked as if I was pushing my stomach out in some of the photos.

I totally agree. It does look that way….but I’m not. Why would I ? In any case, I am so visible on a daily basis. People see me each day in the bar after reading this blog and they pat my belly and make sarcastic comments. I am on the webcam every night, so anyone in the world can see me. They all know how large my belly has grown over the last few years, and especially the last few months.

The very point of doing this so publicly was to force my hand into making it work (and I was starting to get asked how many more weeks before the baby’s due.)

I thought all the fat was at the front of my belly. It was like a basketball pushed up the front of my vest. In fact, it’s surprising. I’m losing it from the tops of my arms, chest, face and kneck much faster than the belly. Well, thats how it feels, because I’m not really interested in losing it in those places, but i suppose fat loss is fat loss !

Overall, I think it’s going very well. I must endure the increased sarcasm generated by highlighting my fat belly plight, but at the same time it’s slowly shrinking.

Plan “B” not required thus far.

Never did do the stomach exercises !!!

DAY 24          1st August  2008

Weight           78.1kg

Belly              98.0cm

No movement anywhere since yesterday.

Better do the stomach exercises today. Another table tennis game being arranged with Jack sometime this weekend.

DAY 25          2nd August  2008

Weight           78.0kg

Belly              98.0cm

Hit the gym again today. Have a great workout system that seems to burn so much fat. More people are telling me I’m losing weight, so it’s obviously showing. The trouble is, my chest and arms are losing quite a lot, so I will have to build them up at the same time, but I’m still “easing into it”. At 52, you can’t just pick up weights and train like when you were a youth unless you never stopped.

DAY 26          3rd August  2008

Weight           77.9kg

Belly              98.0cm

I haven’t heard from Jack about the Table Tennis, but his wife’s back from the UK so…..

DAY 27          4th August  2008

Weight           77.5kg

Belly              97.5cm

DAY 28          5th August  2008

Weight           77.6kg

Belly              97.5cm

Really let myself down today (night). Drank much too much Ron Miel, then when we finished work, we went to a local bar and had some beer.

And a meter long spicy sausage.

And chips.

DAY 29          6th August  2008

Weight           77.7kg

Belly              97.5cm

Let myself down today too. Had breakfast, then went out for a birthday dinner with Kim, Mo and Phil, as well as Jack, Jude, Matt and Nikki.

DAY 30          7th August  2008

Weight           77.6kg

Belly              97.5cm

Walk in the mountains day today.

Didn’t eat too much at the end of it. It was a simple trek, and I didn’t wish to pile on the calories after the last few days of pigging out.

DAY 31         8th August  2008

Weight           77.8kg

Belly              97.5cm

Thats it…One Month (Wer’e going “Calendar” Months….it gives me a bit more time.

I’m so surprised that I’ve held still after the last few days of letting myself down a bit.

This second of the three months, I need to stick with the fat burning, and at the same time dramatically increase the body firming. I don’t want to flop around like a boneless cow.

However, it’s bowls tomorrow (lets see if we can reach our 4th final in a row) so it’s going to be a long hot day. It’s currently in the 90’s here and theres no escape on a bowls green. Another final would mean more than 6 hours in the sun. Not easy.

DAY 31         9th August  2008

Weight           77.9kg

Belly              98cm

I’ve discovered lesson number 5. It’s a tough one to take.

As you can see, I’ve put a half centimeter back on my waist. In itself, not a lot. But it means that my waist size has stayed the same for a week, but the increase has only showed up a couple of days after my few naughty days.

Lesson number 5 states that poor eating habits and alcohol consumption will appear round your waist a couple of days later. You get a kind of false sense of security…stuffing your face with food then jumping on the scales the next morning and thinking it wasn’t so bad…no harm done. WRONG. Just give it a couple of days and there it is.